Tag Archives: parenting

Every Parents Nightmare

Screenshot 2018-02-15 12.51.17Yesterday, the country watched as teenage students came pouring out Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School with tear stained faces and confusion. Seems a student who was marked a bad apple was back with a vengeance. One of the teachers remember the kid as one who wasn’t allowed to have a backpack at school, he threatened the school plenty times in the past, including a comment on a YouTube video that was forwarded to the FBI, so is he the only one to blame for this crime? I don’t think so, I think there is a long line of people who are to blame for the lives that were lost.

This is a former student, a student who wasn’t allowed to bring book bags to school because of his threats towards the school. A student, that instead of getting help for whatever mental health issues that was there, was put out and left to his own thoughts and dangerous threats. Parents and kids that went to this school everyday not knowing the history. Students went today thinking it was a holiday full of love and flirting, yet had no idea that some it would be its last.

IMG_1750As a mother of four girls, two of whom are in high school, I cannot imagine this, but at the same time, unfortunately, I can. We come from a time zone where we have posters that say “No Bullying”, but we don’t abide by it. I am waiting on the backstory of this kid, because while now he is a murder, I wonder where mental health and bullying comes into play.

On his Instagram page, Cruz posted a photograph of a shotgun. In another photo, he is shown brandishing a pistol, which appeared to be a type of BB gun. In other photos, he is covering his face with a kerchief, and brandishing long knives.

Other postings under the name Nikolas Cruz also included threatening comments on YouTube and other sites, including “I whana shoot people with my AR-15 (sic),” “I wanna die Fighting killing shit ton of people,” and “I am going to kill law enforcement one day they go after the good people.” – CNN

We need to do something about how we teach and mold our children, or more attacks like this one will happen. They are already a daily issue in this country, because we don’t put the movement behind the “No Bullying” posters. Principals feel like they have too much to do than to stop a bully in his tracks, school counselors usually don’t have a psychology degree let alone a license. If there are no parents to help, which trust in these days, there aren’t many, who do these kids have to turn to? What happened to the assemblies where people would come in and tell their story about the realness of life, the pain of bullying and effects of drugs? What happened to the D.A.R.E. program, that no only told you about the dangers of drug, but also gave you information about standing up for yourself.

Screenshot 2018-02-15 12.50.24In a world full of hatred and violence, led by a President who is outward with his hate and bigotry for those who don’t look like him. His words on this tragedy were not moving, nor did his words make you feel like he wanted to find a way to change what continues to happen. America is becoming a place where a camera or video is better than helping those in harms way. Where having more likes is more important that giving your time or helping someone else in need. We didn’t and don’t just see this with everyday people, but we see that with the news outlets.

So how do we change this? How do we stop letting these children die in vain? How do we protect our youth and let them know they don’t have to be afraid when a balloon pops, when a fire alarm goes off, how to we make them safe to go outside again? I struggle with this when my daughter asks me, because how can we? What can I say, because teachers are dying with these students, guns are not the answer, but taking them away are not either.

There needs to be a discussion, there needs to be people taking back our schools and our communities. We need a Crazy Joe from Lean On Me to take over the school legislator because the little quiet caucasian lady is not it. My love and prayers are with the families and friends and those effected by the shooting.

 

More Than A Review… This is Real Life!!

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Honeytrap…

So its Thursday night (last week), and I have a broke down car and I decided to Netflix and chill by myself. So I usually watch a couple of shows, but I decided to try a movie I hadn’t seen before. Why did I pick this movie?

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I tell you why, because Jessica Sula’s cute face made me think this was going to be interesting. I loved her on Recovery Road, so I was interested to see something else with her in it. Interesting is not what I got. Instead I am left with my mind spinning on where I can begin to stop this from happening.

In case you all have never seen the movie, it came out in 2014 in the United Kingdom, its about a black teen named Layla who recently moved to London from Trinidad. Her mother left her with her grandparents, who were very touchy, to say the least. This girl comes to a mother, who you can tell knows nothing about being a mother. She doesn’t get her in school in time so she is shuffled to this school with metal detectors and babysitters in place of teachers.

She was destined to be with “gangstas”…  it was almost as if her mother left her to handle life on her own. She was able to be free and go where she pleased. She ran into Troy when a few fake friends used her to get into a video shoot. She was pretty, and they were a bit ghetto. You could tell she was pure, which led Troy straight to her. Her “relationship” with him and her so-called friends went down hill from that. She was jumped, abused and eventually left in the hospital after throwing herself in front of traffic.

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This movie was written because of true events, and even if that wasn’t written out, there are many situations like this everywhere. Young girls are having babies and have no idea what to tell their teenage children or teach them the right way. Many parents (and not just single ones) are so busy living their lives that they don’t think about what their children are going through.

It took a murder and police knocking at her door for Layla’ mother to realize this. Why? Why do we not see the signs of distress in our children? Children are committing murder, getting raped, stealing and being sent away because we aren’t watching. We aren’t paying attention. Social media makes it hard on parents, is one of the lamest excuses I have ever heard.

See social media and cellphones only become a problem when you let you children believe they have privacy. See me, I am all in my kids business. I know passwords and I will snatch a phone at the drop of a dime to go through it. We have to stay active parents, yes I know we all need a break here and there, but teenage years are the worst times to take breaks.

I have two teenage daughters and a preteen all under the same roof with a 1st grader. We make it work. They have their lives, but I am very BIG part of it. I know their friends and their friends know me. I am deemed as the cool parent, only because of my relationship with my girls.

See I am honest with my girls, I tell them the stuff that most parents sugar coat. I figure, why sugar coat? Being an adult isn’t sugar coated and its my responsibility to make them ready for the real world.

To get back to Honeytrap, this movies saddens me, because since its a black movie, half of America won’t watch, but the reality is, this happens everyday to girls of all race. Any young girl that is not confident in who she is has these predator boys lurking and plotting their move. We have to protect our daughters, AND we need to teach our sons and nephews how to treat and respect women.

If you feel you have a child going through any of this and you do not know what to do, there are resources and steps to take. Adolescents centers are not just for mental health issues, they are also for behavioral issues. And behavioral issues are anything that can lead to the destruction of themselves. Call your local hospital or outpatient therapy clinic for children. Depending on the assessment they can either go inpatient or outpatient. Stand up for your children, because if we don’t, how will they know how to for themselves.

Parenting tops EVERY horror film.

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Having children is scary, I mean worse than any scary movie you can watch scary. Its a different level of scary, not like you have a nightmare and the world is ok when you wake up scary. I mean scary because it makes your mind think of off the wall things that can happen and how to prevent them.

As I sit here trying not to panic with my six year old who has a deep cough, and a runny nose. Something normal right? Except when you factor in asthma and a possible allergic reaction to the cough medicine I gave her. Her and any medicine thats “natural” never seem to work. I am scared as I watch her chest rise and fall, as every deep cough and snot shoots out her nose. I am scared because I want to make her feel better with the snap of my fingers.

Having four girls is a nightmare, and not for the reasons you may think. I want to protect my girls with every inch of my soul. I never want them to experience any of the heartache and pain that I ever felt. I want to put them in a bubble and hope nothing every pops it.

I want them to have the lives we see on movies, where by the end of the scene all of their problems are solved. The “simple” worries. Its harder now than when they were babies because now, besides my six year old, I have two teenagers and a pre-teen. With those ages comes crushes, heartbreak, and the reality of true disappointment.

Now I have always been real with my girls and never made them believe that life was about rainbows, butterflies and cupcakes. I have told them about being aware of their surroundings and to not trust every smiling face. I told them that stranger danger is real and that monsters look like regular people.

So yeah, being a parent is scary. You have to raise these little people who completely depend on you and make sure they are tough, but compassionate; Smart but with an edge; Honest, fair and safe. You have to protect them from everything without smothering and sheltering them. Its an equal balance that no one ever gave you a manual for. There is no how to do books because every kid is different. What may work for one, may not for the next and DNA has nothing to do with that.

Now to go back and cuddle with my little one as she sleeps soundly. I know I won’t sleep because I will be listening to every cough and jumping with every movement. Being a parent may be scary, but I couldn’t imagine life any other way.