Category Archives: single fathers

children, No Bullying, parenting, single fathers, single mothers

Friendships: A Teaching Moment

Leave a comment

Teaching your daughters how to be a friend and not a problem.

Todays world is a mixture of distaste, bad words and dishonesty. Our children are facing harsher discriminations, abuse and bullying because the world is no longer keeping them safe. How do we as parents teach our children to not only stand up for themselves, but to stand up for injustice and others.

joseph-gonzalez-273526-unsplash
Photo by Joseph Gonzalez on Unsplash

I dont have boys, so I cannot speak on what is going on in boys friendships. But as a mother of four girls I am disgusted with how some of these mothers are allowing their daughters to grow up.

Could it be because more parents are young themselves? I remember when I was pregnant with my now 11 year old daughter, the lobby of the OBGYN was filled with 13 year olds pregnant with their first child. The mothers of those babies, usually in their 30s, were excited about becoming a Grandma. I can’t imagine having that same feeling.

I wonder how those 13 year olds raised their children, or if they did at all, because now the girls who are my 11 year olds age are out of control. Watching and doing challenges that can physically harm them. Playing the role of someone who has lived a “hood” life but has never been in a serious situation.

I also blame letting television and youtube raise these kids. I remember the television show, and Im not sure if it still aires, “16 & Pregnant” I remember the reason for the show was to originally show the raw hardship that a teenage pregnancy can cause, from homelessness, not having a lot of money, and the struggles that being a parent and being in school can have.

bonnie-kittle-122261-unsplash
Photo by Bonnie Kittle on Unsplash

Somewhere along the way, it became glorified. The thought of having a child who would love you unconditionally seemed like a great idea to the lonely and the misfortunate. An epidemic was an understatement, and those poor girls on the television show became celebrities instead of becoming a lesson.

These girls are taking Mean Girls, as a right of passage instead of taking a lesson from it. I blame the parents, but I also blame social media and schools who do not take their “No Bullying” signs seriously. We have to be the voice for these young ladies, we have to stand up for them when they feel like they have no one else to stand for them.

Having a baby shouldn’t be a trend, because along with babies there is also the fact that STDs spread further and quicker than pregnancy. So what do we do for our girls? How do we save them?

Featured photo Photo by Drop the Label Movement on Unsplash

Advertisement
children, communication, parenting, review, single fathers, single mothers, single parent, Social media, Uncategorized

17 countries in 30 mins!

Leave a comment

Screenshot 2017-06-27 16.43.24

This morning my mother screamed my name because the news was about to discuss Snapchats update that supposedly all parents needed to see. Sooo… of course you know my review has to be on that, the new Snapchat feature!

“Did you know that Snapchat tells where you are to people and other people can find you?” Entering her room a commercial was on. When it came back on, I waited, because the news always have to put some story on first that most people probably wouldn’t be interested in. Finally, the story came up and I was so disappointed. They were discussing a new features, that to me makes Snapchat the best social media app at the moment.

So if you have Snapchat you know that when you first get on the app its the camera. Well if you pinch the screen a map shows up. If you don’t move it only shows you where you are and the people that are close around you. But go further, pinch the map so that you become a big emoji on the map.

Go close on another country, you can either click on a circle with a name or a red spot on the map, now you can watch videos from people who posted to “Our Story” in that location.

Before you have a cow, or get your kids to go ghost on the app, you don’t see the persons snapchat name, you only see the name of the location or city. Today I visited Riyadh, Hong Kong, Taiwan, the Philippines, Cairns, South Wales, Tasmania and Paris. 

I visited Paris in my PJs. I got to see how others eat, live, celebrate and lectures I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to see. You can visit any place in the world through someone else eyes.

Why would this be a bad thing? To me its not. I am not going to ban SnapChat for my children, I know that I have taught the importance of internet safety and not adding strangers to their accounts. But I think they can learn so much from this app.

Technology is not as bad as some people fear it to be. Don’t miss out on something great because of the dangers that can come into you house without the internet. Just teach your kids and you yourself to watch your surroundings whether on the web or not. Enjoy Snapping!!!!… I know my Mom was ready to download it after I showed her, but thats a lesson for another day.

This weeks review was about an App.. have other ideas for me to review? I review movies, books, music, apps, ANYTHING!!! I tell it as it is… no chaser… 

 

children, love, parenting, single fathers, single mothers, single parent

Parenting tops EVERY horror film.

3 Comments

6d0b5-screen2bshot2b2015-05-102bat2b5-23-382bpm

Having children is scary, I mean worse than any scary movie you can watch scary. Its a different level of scary, not like you have a nightmare and the world is ok when you wake up scary. I mean scary because it makes your mind think of off the wall things that can happen and how to prevent them.

As I sit here trying not to panic with my six year old who has a deep cough, and a runny nose. Something normal right? Except when you factor in asthma and a possible allergic reaction to the cough medicine I gave her. Her and any medicine thats “natural” never seem to work. I am scared as I watch her chest rise and fall, as every deep cough and snot shoots out her nose. I am scared because I want to make her feel better with the snap of my fingers.

Having four girls is a nightmare, and not for the reasons you may think. I want to protect my girls with every inch of my soul. I never want them to experience any of the heartache and pain that I ever felt. I want to put them in a bubble and hope nothing every pops it.

I want them to have the lives we see on movies, where by the end of the scene all of their problems are solved. The “simple” worries. Its harder now than when they were babies because now, besides my six year old, I have two teenagers and a pre-teen. With those ages comes crushes, heartbreak, and the reality of true disappointment.

Now I have always been real with my girls and never made them believe that life was about rainbows, butterflies and cupcakes. I have told them about being aware of their surroundings and to not trust every smiling face. I told them that stranger danger is real and that monsters look like regular people.

So yeah, being a parent is scary. You have to raise these little people who completely depend on you and make sure they are tough, but compassionate; Smart but with an edge; Honest, fair and safe. You have to protect them from everything without smothering and sheltering them. Its an equal balance that no one ever gave you a manual for. There is no how to do books because every kid is different. What may work for one, may not for the next and DNA has nothing to do with that.

Now to go back and cuddle with my little one as she sleeps soundly. I know I won’t sleep because I will be listening to every cough and jumping with every movement. Being a parent may be scary, but I couldn’t imagine life any other way.

alone, breakups, getting over love, hurt, love, parenting, relationships, single fathers, single mothers, single parent

Its Not Their Fault

Leave a comment


I have been a single parent for almost 12 years now, minus a few “situationships” along the way, but  I’ve been mostly on my own. I had almost forgotten how hard it is in the beginning it is when you realize you’re doing it on your own until today.

Today my niece came to pick up her children from me. She had just left work and she was tired. She was complaining about all the things she had to do because “he” didn’t do any of it. Listening to her sounded so familiar, I heard my story.

I was her. I was a young mother of two children, both still in diapers. I worked a full time job where I commuted to work 45 minutes on the highway after dropping the girls off at a daycare 30 minutes out the way. I would come home to a husband, fresh out of jail, who didn’t know how to lift a finger to clean or cook. Yet he knew how to disappear.

I remember one time he left to go get milk for the kids cereal and came back 3 days later with no damn milk. Imagine how frustrating that is? Like why do I now have to call someone else to come get me to take me to the store, because you cant comprehend that the corner store is at the bottom of the neighborhood that you passed as you left. What did you have to go feed the cow and process the milk yourself. Its really not that hard.

Ok I’m getting sidetracked.

So anyways I remember being so frustrated and angry with him that the girls and I quit coming home. We would go to my Moms house, where he would follow, so I could have some help. I used to e so angry with everyone because here this low down bastard could help me take care of the family that he wanted to create.

I remember my AH HA moment. I was driving back to my moms house. It was late, and I was furious. My (then)husband had gotten himself arrested. He had dropped the girls off with his folks while he ran the streets, when he was supposed to take them to doctors appointments and spend time with him. Here I was late getting off due to a project at work, and I had to go find my children.

On the way back to my my Moms house, snow still on the banks from the blizzard and I was listening to Destinys Child’s new album – Destiny Fulfilled. (It was 2004). Their new album, in order, talked about a relationship from first flirting to complete failure. Somewhere between the song If and the song Through With Love I realized it. I was not his fuck up.

Now I dont think it was too much of what D3 was saying but more so the feeling I got when Michelle sang her verse on Through With Love. It made me realize that I was on my own and it was time to get over it. I couldnt let my happiness be determined by how he treated me. Hell he was happy, he was doing whatever he felt like, whenever he felt like doing it. I was the only one moping, but I was not the only one affected. I had two little faces that depended on me to tell them that life was going to be ok.

I say all this to say that we can’t control how someone treats us, but we can control how we respond. There is nothing harder than having to take care and raise children on your own. You will have other opinions to dodge, having no rest, cleaning and repeating yourself daily, but thats all part of being a mother. What difference will it make to complain? To be angry? You still have to do it. All I know is that at the end of the day I want to make sure my four little ones know that I am doing all I can for them. Because in the end, they are the only ones that matter.

authority, black lives matter, children, communication, expectations, parenting, single fathers, single mothers, single parent

Our Children, Are They Safe?

Leave a comment

 Disclaimer: In no way shape or form am I condoning what police have been doing to our youth. I think it’s disgusting and it needs to stop. I am only talking from one parent to another about our responsibility of keeping our children safe. 

I know that the police killings and brutality have been a topic for a few years now, so as a journalist, my opinion is late. Yet this needs to be discussed on my blog as well. I have a different opinion that perhaps not to many people will be found of, but please just hear me out.
Everyone blames the shooters, the victims or the community where the victim was raised, but when do we as parents take a little of the responsibility? Now I know there are several instances where the parents couldn’t and shouldn’t have done a thing different, like Trayvon Martin for example (I mean the child was just walking home from the gas station, something my children do on a regular basis). But there are instances where we have to teach our children common sense, certain situations call for us to take on the battle, not them.
How do we teach our children to deal with authority? By this I mean school administrators, teachers, police officers – adults that can tell you child to do something without you being present. Can you honestly say that you tell them to be respectful? I cant. I can take responsibility and say that I have always told my children to stand up for what they believe in. To speak up and I will have their back.
  
Now I am not saying that there is anything wrong with teaching children to stand up for themself; they very well should do that. What I am saying is that they should know how and why. If a police officer approaches your child, they should know to follow the law. These officers have guns and trigger-happy fingers lately. I want my children to stand up for themselves but I also want them to be alive. There are other ways to fight wrongful imprisonment, racial profiling and questioning your child without you being present.
No we don’t want our children to be attacked by police (like the little girl in the video in South Carolina), but in all honesty I think that situation could’ve been avoided. The teenager refused to leave class. Was her argument right? Yes! Do I blame the administrator, teacher and the police? Yes, but I think that the situation could’ve been avoided from all ends. In no way shape or form am I blaming the student, but I think this can bring up a good point for us parents to discuss with our children. If they feel they are being targeted at school, or if they feel the teacher is treating them unfairly, they need to leave the class if asked and let their parents know so they can handle it.
We need to go to battle for these children. It is up to us to let our kids know that we have their best interest at heart and that we want to see them come home every day safe and sound. So teach them to respect authority and the right way to fight. Don’t give them the ok that they can be disrespectful and get kudos for it. Think of what’s more important to you?
Now how can we do this? Attend parent teacher conferences, go to school events, volunteer. The school, administrators and teachers should know who you are and who your children are. Don’t wait until there is a problem before you go up to the school. Let them know that you are involved and want only the best for your child. Trust me the school officials like that and will work with you and your child with anything. I know its hard as parents to juggle so many things, but trust me its a lot easier when you do it this way than the alternative. ~Love Tichelle

parenting, relationships, settling, single fathers, single mothers, single parent, Social media

Stop Bashing Single Parents

Leave a comment
Being a single parent is tough. What can compare to not only having to struggle with taking care of yourself, but also having several other mouths to feed? I for one am proud to be a single mother. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be in a loving marriage so that my kids could have two parents at home and some of the stress could be lifted off of me, but I am not going to wallow in my ‘shoulda-coulda-wouldas’ instead I embrace the fact that I am doing the best that I can with what I have. Does that make me bitter? No. Does that make me lash out? No. I am just aware of my situation and moving forward.
With that being said I hate to see people lash out on single parents. It always happens around Mothers Day and Fathers Day where other people blame the single parent for “having unprotected sex with the wrong person.” Come on now. How many of us have been in relationships with people and didn’t know it was going to turn out bad? EVERYONE!!! No one can say that they knew everything about a person when you start to date them. Sometimes the true person isn’t revealed until several years later. After that you both are in love, kids may have been brought in the equation and there is no longer a relationship. [Side note: Not all marriages last either, so don’t bash the ones who had kids out of wedlock. Carry on!]
Here’s where the problem lays, just because you don’t have a relationship with me, doesn’t mean you cannot have a relationship with your children. I have seen several couples break up and both parents are active in their children’s lives. The parents can’t stand each other but they are happily co-parenting to make it better for their children. Yet there are those that chose to leave their child(ren) along with the other person. (Shame on you!)
Now every situation is different. Some people may have been perfect for each other but drugs, alcohol, or life changed them. At that point they can no longer be a good member of society, let alone a good parent. Is that the other person’s fault? No!
We all need to come together and uplift each other and look for each other instead of trying to tear someone down for their mistakes in life. Who on earth has never made a mistake? Don’t worry I’ll wait. Show me someone who says they haven’t and I will show you a liar. The only way we can get better ourselves is to embrace our past and move on, that includes embracing mistakes and learning from them.
I just think its time we stop bashing single parents. They have enough to deal with that are more important that being bashed from other people. Including other single parents, or those that used to be one! With that being said. Its part of life to love who you are, and to be happy with who you are despite your situation. Don’t let negative comments stop you from being the best parent you can be. Don’t forget there are little eyes watching you!

-Love Tichelle