Category Archives: settling

Cute With Bad Qualities

Cute With Bad Qualities – An Understatement

Screenshot 2018-07-21 14.27.35I don’t know how many times I tell people with children to stop coddling them. Introduce them to the real world and tell them how shit really is. If you put your children in a bubble, when they go to college, they wild out. This movie here is a straight up proof of how it normally goes, because its not always black and white, its grey areas in between.

Her mother waited until she was an adult, and heading to college before taking to her. Something that should NOT be a last minute conversation. This is something we should talk to our daughters now in elementary school, to build them up as women and let them know that everything that glitters ain’t gold.

Screenshot 2018-07-21 14.28.09Cute with Bad Qualities – I thought in the beginning was a horrible title, but I get it, Donovan was the “cute” one, and his qualities were horrible. Her being a “caged child”, she was easily open to the first guy that gave her attention. Her friends had a bet on how long she would be cool until she wilded out. It clearly didn’t take long.

This girl made a 32 on her SATs (not an accurate score, thats more an ACT score, but I’ll leave that flaw in the script alone… No I didn’t). Although she stayed in her books, but she became all about this man. She didn’t follow up on his story he told about Sheena, which lead to Sheen being shady to her, not her fault and continue to sleep with him behind her back.

The tagline “If he shows you who is he, believe him.” Was perfect, because as a woman, this was something that was always told to me. As a mother of teenage girls, I let them have boyfriends, explain to them the horrors of sex and people who don’t mean you any good. I also tell them the importance of looking at every angle and being true to themselves. Never letting someone dictate their lives or tell them what they can and cannot do.

Screenshot 2018-07-21 14.27.08This man disrespected her mother when he first met her, telling her excuse me, but me and Mya are grown, when she told him to take her straight home. And instead of taking her back to her dorms, like her mother asked, he took her back to his place where there was a bra in his bed, which he hid. They didn’t have sex that night, he played the role of the gentlemen, sleeping on the floor.

Screenshot 2018-07-21 14.28.58In the beginning, Mya, played by Samantha Smith, was a quiet girl who was a freshman in college. She was a private school girl who was raised in a strict religious home. She saw this boy and literally ran into Sheena, who invited her to a party that Donovan, Tasmin Williams, was supposed to be in attendance.

She showed him in the beginning that he could run her, because he told her to call Sheena back when she called to check on her. He told her not to be friends with certain people and she was all about listening to him. It was like she had no mind of her own and let him check her. Which, he took every moment to brag about to his friends.

When her best friend came in town, he was all about getting to know her friend on a deeper level calling her friend fine and flirting across the table. He kept looking her friend up and down. Her friend saw him for who he was, someone sneaky.

When he was injured, she told him to get seen and he blamed her for not getting medically cleared. Then when he found out he had DBT and couldn’t play he went off on her blaming her for him not being able to play. He broke up with her.

Unlike other stories, Mya and Donovan got married but not because he loved her, from the beginning he was telling his friends that she was a gold mine. He made this big marriage proposal after leaving her for a month. A virgin and a woman who will make money, but he quickly tried to make her his woman who did what he said.  This is not a love story, not a story of romance, its a story of being entrapped, feeling like you have to hold on because he’s your husband.

Screenshot 2018-07-21 14.28.26When her husband told her she was getting fat, she went to the doctors office and found out she was pregnant. He told her she should go and get an abortion. Something he knew she would not do, because she is very religious. In the next several scenes, you can see him celebrating graduation and hanging with friends while she goes to doctors visits and has the baby. He refused to even help out with the baby at night.

He starts spending time with Sheena on the side, and hanging out without his wife at certain events. Sheena recorded their conversation on the voicemail to their house. To him it was never about making her happy or even comfortable in their marriage, when she brought up him cheating, he just went to bed. Didn’t even try to explain, because he knew she wouldn’t go anywhere or do anything. She being still in school and having a baby. What could she do?

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Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

It took for her to realize that she married who she picked and not who she was supposed to marry. It took for her to stand up for herself and realize that she was fighting for a marriage on her own. We have to understand what love looks like, we are responsible for our children knowing that so that they don’t repeat the mistakes we have made in our lives.

 

Review: Jessica Williams

Review - Wooden 3d rendered letters/message

The Incredible Jessica James

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So the other day I was feeling a little discouraged, writing is my thing, you know. So I scanned Netflix and the beautiful Jessica Williams’s movie came up. I really thought it was a television series at first, actually I was kind of hoping it was. 

Jessica James’s character is a special woman who is completely living in her truth. Her dream is to be a famous play writer but pays her bills teaching play writing to kids at a non-profit. In the beginning of the movie she is sort of obsessed with the ex-boyfriend who moved on. So a friend introduced her to a blind date, a white guy who is the complete opposites of her. Both of them, after realizing they had nothing in common decided to do a night of honesty. The date ended with them going back to his place, where they did everything but have sex.

Jessica James: What?

Boone: I really like you.

Jessica James: Of course you do.

Jessica James: Everyone does

Jessica James: I’m freaking dope.

Along the way, you went through her daily life of what she did. I absolutely loved that she was not afraid to speak whatever was on her mind, no matter what the situation. Her passion for writing transferred to her passion for teaching. She really pushed and put her all into teaching those kids to reach their full potential.

For example there was a writers retreat which was really important to her because a famous play writer was going to be there. She took the time to introduce herself and ask a real question about how to get in the business. She was shocked to find that play writers don’t make that much, that as she was, she was living the dream.

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This movie to me screamed motivation, persistence and learning to follow the dream no matter what. She was clear with what she wanted in life and regardless of what anyone said she continued to pursue her dreams. Her family was a little unsure of what she was doing, but that was because she didn’t share her dream with everyone. She got her degree, moved to New York and did what she had to do, and all with a cork board full of rejection letters.

That was until she got her first acceptance letter! They wanted her work and her to come to London and read one of her pieces. The guy who was her blind date ended up being a really nice guy, they never really established a relationship but he helped her, her best friend and a student get to London. He ended up being a good friend and she was on her way.

I have to say I was a little disappointed at the end that it was over, but I again motivated to finish doing what I was meant to do. Jessica didn’t settle and change her writing to what others were doing. She never watered herself down to be what others wanted to her to be. She wrote for herself and believed in what she wrote. She motivated me to write, help others and tell my story. So here I am.. Thanks Jessica Williams… I am truly a new fan!

Stop Bashing Single Parents

Being a single parent is tough. What can compare to not only having to struggle with taking care of yourself, but also having several other mouths to feed? I for one am proud to be a single mother. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be in a loving marriage so that my kids could have two parents at home and some of the stress could be lifted off of me, but I am not going to wallow in my ‘shoulda-coulda-wouldas’ instead I embrace the fact that I am doing the best that I can with what I have. Does that make me bitter? No. Does that make me lash out? No. I am just aware of my situation and moving forward.
With that being said I hate to see people lash out on single parents. It always happens around Mothers Day and Fathers Day where other people blame the single parent for “having unprotected sex with the wrong person.” Come on now. How many of us have been in relationships with people and didn’t know it was going to turn out bad? EVERYONE!!! No one can say that they knew everything about a person when you start to date them. Sometimes the true person isn’t revealed until several years later. After that you both are in love, kids may have been brought in the equation and there is no longer a relationship. [Side note: Not all marriages last either, so don’t bash the ones who had kids out of wedlock. Carry on!]
Here’s where the problem lays, just because you don’t have a relationship with me, doesn’t mean you cannot have a relationship with your children. I have seen several couples break up and both parents are active in their children’s lives. The parents can’t stand each other but they are happily co-parenting to make it better for their children. Yet there are those that chose to leave their child(ren) along with the other person. (Shame on you!)
Now every situation is different. Some people may have been perfect for each other but drugs, alcohol, or life changed them. At that point they can no longer be a good member of society, let alone a good parent. Is that the other person’s fault? No!
We all need to come together and uplift each other and look for each other instead of trying to tear someone down for their mistakes in life. Who on earth has never made a mistake? Don’t worry I’ll wait. Show me someone who says they haven’t and I will show you a liar. The only way we can get better ourselves is to embrace our past and move on, that includes embracing mistakes and learning from them.
I just think its time we stop bashing single parents. They have enough to deal with that are more important that being bashed from other people. Including other single parents, or those that used to be one! With that being said. Its part of life to love who you are, and to be happy with who you are despite your situation. Don’t let negative comments stop you from being the best parent you can be. Don’t forget there are little eyes watching you!

-Love Tichelle

What Do You REALLY Expect?

Be honest when you get in a relationship what do you want? Many will answer this and say someone with their life together, a good job, their own place and a vehicle of some kind. Now that’s all good, but what about the person? What do you expect from the person for you to remain happy with that person? Not the normal, communicates with me, makes me laugh, faithful and honest. But what about the deeper things that you need to feel secure in your relationship?
Many people don’t think about this until they are stuck in a relationship that isn’t working. Maybe your girlfriend is too flirty and you can’t take that, or maybe your boyfriend is a little too friendly online. What is it that is dire in a relationship that you wouldn’t think to question until its too late?
For me its security, I need to know that not only will I be physically be safe with you, but I need to know that emotionally I will be safe with you. I do not like to be made into a fool by other people. I like for our problems to be our problems. Don’t get me wrong, I have my people I vent to (all close friends that know how I am and gives me honest views without judging) and I expect the person I am with to have the same. But I mean social media shouldn’t know our problems, ex-girlfriends shouldn’t have the opportunity to comment on our issues via Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.
I also need to be given attention and affection. I am a very affectionate person. I know that everyone else is not as affectionate as I am, but I expect to be shown how much I am appreciated through a kiss, a passionate touch or even a sexy glance. I am lucky to 
What about you? What do you appreciate or disagree with in a relationship? These are the things that you should inquire about when you are in the dating stages. That way you know that you will be fulfilled in all aspects of your relationship. There is nothing worse than someone who has a good man/good woman but drags them hell because they are not completely happy.

Just note every bad relationship teaches you a little more about what you want from a relationship AND helps you to appreciate the one when it comes along.

Let Me Explain….



So I realized from my post a few minutes ago, that I start a lot of my posts off with finding the perfect the person. I know that starts to sound repetitive but let me explain why my brains thinks like that.
In relationships the beginning always seems so perfect. You laugh, hold hands, kiss constantly… you really show just the perfect amount of affection and love to one another. That person seems like the one person that you have waited for your entire life.
Then BOOM!!!
All of a sudden something happens and the perfect person can become a nightmare. I find that in some of my relationships it has been because I have been so wrapped up in the good things that I ignore all the red flags. Stupid, I

know, but how many people can say that they haven’t?

In other relationships, some people didn’t show their true colors until I was so wrapped up that I was confused. I have always been a loyal person, so I try to stay and work it out until my brain finally clicks back to reality. Until I finally realize that I am wasting my time. I can’t tell you how much time I have truly wasted.
Now some of them were my fault. I have not been a perfect girlfriend in all of my relationships. I have my faults and flaws, but I am a big girl and admit when I am wrong.
I really just want people to understand that you can’t wrap yourself in a relationship and think it will be perfect. You don’t truly know a person until you have had your first argument. When you see what they are like and the words that come out their mouth when they are mad at you. That’s when you truly know who they are and what they are thinking.
But you also find out how they are when they apologize. If they apologize, admit their faults and seriously put forth an effort to change. Not change for you, but change for them – then you know that they are worth it.
There is NO perfect relationship, show me one and I will show you some serious issues. Many that portray to be perfect are hiding insecurities and many times abuse. Every relationship will have issues; you just have to know if the issues are something that you can deal with.

Holding out for the perfect relationship will have you gray-haired with a house full of cats. I’m just saying – it will never come. 

You Can’t Force Love… Don’t Settle Just Because its There.

So today I read in a group I’m in about a girl who is in a relationship with this guy who wants to make her settle down, but she’s not ready. What’s crazy is a lot of the women were commenting that she was stupid for not settling down with him. I think it crazy that these women think that she should because he’s a good guy. My question is how do they know? Because he is ready to get married? Because he wants to do what many men in this generation do not want to do?

I disagree!!! What this man is doing is trying to change and force her. You cannot force someone to be with you. I think I need to say that again. YOU CANNOT FORCE SOMEONE TO BE WITH YOU!!! In the end if that person will regret you and everything that comes with your relationship. What happens if you all have children? That person you forced to be with you will regret the children. There are too many loveless homes that many children are growing up in, why add another one?

It almost like many women are programmed to think that marriage and children are the only thing that we should aspire to have. Why? What are we in 1950? That was all women back in the day could aspire to have, unless they were a teacher, beautician or maid. Nowadays we can be anything that we want to be – lawyers, doctors, CEOs and any thing else we can imagine. Why settle for being just someones wife and mother.

Now I am not saying that there is anything wrong with being a housewife, but ONLY if thats what you WANT to do. You have to live your life for you and not want anyone else wants you to be. If you live your life to make others around you happy, you will NEVER and I repeat NEVER be happy.

I know of an elder lady who lived her whole life for what her family said she should do. She grew up, got married and had children. She lived her entire life making her husband and children happy. When all the children grew up and left home and her husband left her for a younger woman, she realized she had nothing. The worse part of it was she never wanted any of it. She was always attracted to women, but she knew that if she ever came out her family would disown her. There she was a senior citizen looking over her life and she was miserable. She never had a job so she had no skills and no degree. She had to start all over.

Why do that to yourself? Why not live everyday doing things that please you. If something doesn’t make you happy, change it. Whether it’s a job, relationship or living situation. Think about what steps you need to take to be happy and work towards that. You are never to late to start. That lady was well into her 50s and she opened up a restaurant, found her a girlfriend and to this day she is very happy. Everyone in her family and some old friends is not happy with her new life, a few have even cut her off, but she is happy. She wakes up with a smile on her face and goes to bed the same way.

What will make you happy? Why are you not going after it? Don’t ever settle for anything that is not the best for you no matter who says you are stupid for not settling. ~ Love Tichelle