Category Archives: self-worth

Cute With Bad Qualities

Cute With Bad Qualities – An Understatement

Screenshot 2018-07-21 14.27.35I don’t know how many times I tell people with children to stop coddling them. Introduce them to the real world and tell them how shit really is. If you put your children in a bubble, when they go to college, they wild out. This movie here is a straight up proof of how it normally goes, because its not always black and white, its grey areas in between.

Her mother waited until she was an adult, and heading to college before taking to her. Something that should NOT be a last minute conversation. This is something we should talk to our daughters now in elementary school, to build them up as women and let them know that everything that glitters ain’t gold.

Screenshot 2018-07-21 14.28.09Cute with Bad Qualities – I thought in the beginning was a horrible title, but I get it, Donovan was the “cute” one, and his qualities were horrible. Her being a “caged child”, she was easily open to the first guy that gave her attention. Her friends had a bet on how long she would be cool until she wilded out. It clearly didn’t take long.

This girl made a 32 on her SATs (not an accurate score, thats more an ACT score, but I’ll leave that flaw in the script alone… No I didn’t). Although she stayed in her books, but she became all about this man. She didn’t follow up on his story he told about Sheena, which lead to Sheen being shady to her, not her fault and continue to sleep with him behind her back.

The tagline “If he shows you who is he, believe him.” Was perfect, because as a woman, this was something that was always told to me. As a mother of teenage girls, I let them have boyfriends, explain to them the horrors of sex and people who don’t mean you any good. I also tell them the importance of looking at every angle and being true to themselves. Never letting someone dictate their lives or tell them what they can and cannot do.

Screenshot 2018-07-21 14.27.08This man disrespected her mother when he first met her, telling her excuse me, but me and Mya are grown, when she told him to take her straight home. And instead of taking her back to her dorms, like her mother asked, he took her back to his place where there was a bra in his bed, which he hid. They didn’t have sex that night, he played the role of the gentlemen, sleeping on the floor.

Screenshot 2018-07-21 14.28.58In the beginning, Mya, played by Samantha Smith, was a quiet girl who was a freshman in college. She was a private school girl who was raised in a strict religious home. She saw this boy and literally ran into Sheena, who invited her to a party that Donovan, Tasmin Williams, was supposed to be in attendance.

She showed him in the beginning that he could run her, because he told her to call Sheena back when she called to check on her. He told her not to be friends with certain people and she was all about listening to him. It was like she had no mind of her own and let him check her. Which, he took every moment to brag about to his friends.

When her best friend came in town, he was all about getting to know her friend on a deeper level calling her friend fine and flirting across the table. He kept looking her friend up and down. Her friend saw him for who he was, someone sneaky.

When he was injured, she told him to get seen and he blamed her for not getting medically cleared. Then when he found out he had DBT and couldn’t play he went off on her blaming her for him not being able to play. He broke up with her.

Unlike other stories, Mya and Donovan got married but not because he loved her, from the beginning he was telling his friends that she was a gold mine. He made this big marriage proposal after leaving her for a month. A virgin and a woman who will make money, but he quickly tried to make her his woman who did what he said.  This is not a love story, not a story of romance, its a story of being entrapped, feeling like you have to hold on because he’s your husband.

Screenshot 2018-07-21 14.28.26When her husband told her she was getting fat, she went to the doctors office and found out she was pregnant. He told her she should go and get an abortion. Something he knew she would not do, because she is very religious. In the next several scenes, you can see him celebrating graduation and hanging with friends while she goes to doctors visits and has the baby. He refused to even help out with the baby at night.

He starts spending time with Sheena on the side, and hanging out without his wife at certain events. Sheena recorded their conversation on the voicemail to their house. To him it was never about making her happy or even comfortable in their marriage, when she brought up him cheating, he just went to bed. Didn’t even try to explain, because he knew she wouldn’t go anywhere or do anything. She being still in school and having a baby. What could she do?

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Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

It took for her to realize that she married who she picked and not who she was supposed to marry. It took for her to stand up for herself and realize that she was fighting for a marriage on her own. We have to understand what love looks like, we are responsible for our children knowing that so that they don’t repeat the mistakes we have made in our lives.

 

Being Authentic and Not Perfect

Yesterday my word was authentic, I kept hearing this word all day. I knew it was because I have been struggling with my writings. Not really a writers block, as I wrote on LoveTichelle.com but there was sooo many things I wanted to talk about and no way to get my thoughts together.

 

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Photo by Elijah O’Donell on Unsplash

See, I am a perfectionist, but only about certain things, and especially about my writing. As an activist and advocate for all, I feel so stuck sometimes. Here lately there has been more things than I can keep up with that need discussing. There seems to be more issues than good news, more negative than positive and as someone on a spiritual journey I try to stay as far as I can from so much negativity.

There’s been over 200 school shootings this year alone, with the most recent in Texas and Georgia. Unnecessary 911 callings have been on a rise, with the old Jim Crow laws as the reasonings behind the calls in the first place. Like the Air BNB neighbor saying that the black women didn’t wave to her… Ummm did you speak? Why did they have to?

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Photo by Spenser on Unsplash

Police brutality and killings are back on the rise, with age, race and sex not being a determining factor, although black women have been a lot of the victims. The worst was a 65 year old Grandmother. I was more than angry as the video played on my FB feed. I refused share, because I respect my mother and grandmother too much and it only angered me.

45, yals President (I am still NOT claiming him), is still at war with the FBI, the CIA, the media, and anyone who’s truth is different from his. His whole administration I feel lives on a different planet than the rest of us. I promise this 4 years needs to hurry pass. I do NOT want to see this man do another 4 years. If he is reelected I am planning my departure from this country because I am afraid of whats next.

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Photo by Henry Be on Unsplash

Seriously, between him and Fox News they have people confused on what racism is, confused on what privileged is, and confused on what is wrong. Its seems like now a days standing up for yourself is being racist, especially black people. Its gotten to the point where my daughter is getting accused by friends parents for being racist for being proud of her brown skin.

When did Melanin become such a problem? When did being different and standing out and up for what you believe in become an issue? Its like we are becoming robots and marching to the beat of everyone else drums but our own. This world is losing its authenticity, and shutting out those who are less than perfect.

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Photo by Steve Harvey on Unsplash

But what is perfection? Cause I don’t have it and no one else I know does either. Those who say they do, are liars, which makes them imperfect as well. There is NOTHING wrong with being proud of who you are, no matter what race, gender, sexual orientation you are. Be proud to be you, cause no one else can be a better you than you. But being proud has nothing to do with talking down on anyone else.

Being in touch also means accepting the privileges that you have. I am a black, and I am a woman, but I have been privileged with knowledge, with family who lives long because I have my mother, my grandmother and I knew my great grandmother before she passed. I have pictures and history, mostly lies, but I am uncovering the truth of who and where my family came from.

There should be nothing greater than authenticity, because without, there is nothing but lies. And not the lies that 45 claims to be “fake news”, but the lies that make you feel like you are inferior to anyone. That anyone can tell you who and how to be. Being true to you is imperative, because if you are true to you, then how will you make your mark on the world.

Be authentic, be you!

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Be Your Authentic Self

via Say Something

This post above is the most honest blog of a writers mind. We use our platforms to speak about what we feel in our hearts and the passions that we have. We may not speak on every issue that goes on today, or every topic that someone asks of us, although, I must say I take them into consideration.

But writing is a passionate way for me to use my voice. I dedicate my voice to the encouragement of others, the empowerment of all, and unity to make a better place for generations to come. I speak about those things that bother me, those that excite me.

I have to say a good book, a great movie, a short film or documentary can definitely get my wheels turning, but today nonalcoholicstudent.wordpress.com did that for me. Check out this blog, because anyone going through college without a drink is a hero for sure!!!!

If no one has told you they love you, then always remember I do ~ Tiffany

Breaking My Silence…

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Over the last month, I have been silent – not in real life, but virtually silent. I stopped writing because I felt like my writing was just because, it had no real meaning and no real purpose behind it. So I stopped and starting thinking about my next moves. During the last few months, I began watching a new sitcom…

THE BOLD TYPE

This show has made me think in more ways than ever because of course I am a mixture of Jane Sloan (Katie Stevens) and Kat Edison (Aisha Dee), because not only am I a writer who is FINALLY following her passion, I am also following my heart as well.

But this show envelops so many more emotions. It hits on the women topics that are often ignored or pushed to the side for matters that other people think are more important. I have always stood up for so many things in my life from racism, homophobia, and sexism. I always felt that I had to pick an issue, because together they don’t make sense.

But why?

Society makes you feel that if you are a black woman that you cannot attend the Women Marches, because you have to remember that you are a black person first. If you are a member of the LGBTQ community, you have to only stick with the “black” pride events because once again, you are black first. But as a black woman, when you march, you are told to hold down your black men first.

I say bullshit! In life we all want the same thing and that is to live our daily lives and be just as happy and feel just as safe as a straight white man. I’m not saying we hate him, or belittle him or down talk anyone, I am saying that why can we not all stand along side of each other. Screenshot 2017-09-06 22.18.15

 

Fighting a fight of whose fight is more important is getting us no where. While we are all fighting 45 is making and changing rules impacting all of our lives except those we are fighting to stand beside each other. We should ALL fight TOGETHER! 

 

 

Can you imagine the impact if every woman, every black, white, brown and in-between, every LGBTQ, every PERSON stood together and fought for us all to be equal? What if we all stood up and told the establishment that WE ALL MATTER?! I believe we would get so much further, but in my mind this works.

Then I think of all the fighting that we all do within our communities. The media always plays on black on black crime but there is women hating and talking down on each other, gay bashing from within, and jealousy always peeping up in any situation. We have to learn how to love ourselves before we can confront someone else about not loving us.

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I know I went deep but The Bold Type does that and the episode I watched tonight, “Carry The Weight” made me remember to carry mine and stand up for what I believe in,     ALL OF IT!

Love you, cause I do!

More Than A Review… This is Real Life!!

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Honeytrap…

So its Thursday night (last week), and I have a broke down car and I decided to Netflix and chill by myself. So I usually watch a couple of shows, but I decided to try a movie I hadn’t seen before. Why did I pick this movie?

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I tell you why, because Jessica Sula’s cute face made me think this was going to be interesting. I loved her on Recovery Road, so I was interested to see something else with her in it. Interesting is not what I got. Instead I am left with my mind spinning on where I can begin to stop this from happening.

In case you all have never seen the movie, it came out in 2014 in the United Kingdom, its about a black teen named Layla who recently moved to London from Trinidad. Her mother left her with her grandparents, who were very touchy, to say the least. This girl comes to a mother, who you can tell knows nothing about being a mother. She doesn’t get her in school in time so she is shuffled to this school with metal detectors and babysitters in place of teachers.

She was destined to be with “gangstas”…  it was almost as if her mother left her to handle life on her own. She was able to be free and go where she pleased. She ran into Troy when a few fake friends used her to get into a video shoot. She was pretty, and they were a bit ghetto. You could tell she was pure, which led Troy straight to her. Her “relationship” with him and her so-called friends went down hill from that. She was jumped, abused and eventually left in the hospital after throwing herself in front of traffic.

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This movie was written because of true events, and even if that wasn’t written out, there are many situations like this everywhere. Young girls are having babies and have no idea what to tell their teenage children or teach them the right way. Many parents (and not just single ones) are so busy living their lives that they don’t think about what their children are going through.

It took a murder and police knocking at her door for Layla’ mother to realize this. Why? Why do we not see the signs of distress in our children? Children are committing murder, getting raped, stealing and being sent away because we aren’t watching. We aren’t paying attention. Social media makes it hard on parents, is one of the lamest excuses I have ever heard.

See social media and cellphones only become a problem when you let you children believe they have privacy. See me, I am all in my kids business. I know passwords and I will snatch a phone at the drop of a dime to go through it. We have to stay active parents, yes I know we all need a break here and there, but teenage years are the worst times to take breaks.

I have two teenage daughters and a preteen all under the same roof with a 1st grader. We make it work. They have their lives, but I am very BIG part of it. I know their friends and their friends know me. I am deemed as the cool parent, only because of my relationship with my girls.

See I am honest with my girls, I tell them the stuff that most parents sugar coat. I figure, why sugar coat? Being an adult isn’t sugar coated and its my responsibility to make them ready for the real world.

To get back to Honeytrap, this movies saddens me, because since its a black movie, half of America won’t watch, but the reality is, this happens everyday to girls of all race. Any young girl that is not confident in who she is has these predator boys lurking and plotting their move. We have to protect our daughters, AND we need to teach our sons and nephews how to treat and respect women.

If you feel you have a child going through any of this and you do not know what to do, there are resources and steps to take. Adolescents centers are not just for mental health issues, they are also for behavioral issues. And behavioral issues are anything that can lead to the destruction of themselves. Call your local hospital or outpatient therapy clinic for children. Depending on the assessment they can either go inpatient or outpatient. Stand up for your children, because if we don’t, how will they know how to for themselves.

Review: Jessica Williams

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The Incredible Jessica James

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So the other day I was feeling a little discouraged, writing is my thing, you know. So I scanned Netflix and the beautiful Jessica Williams’s movie came up. I really thought it was a television series at first, actually I was kind of hoping it was. 

Jessica James’s character is a special woman who is completely living in her truth. Her dream is to be a famous play writer but pays her bills teaching play writing to kids at a non-profit. In the beginning of the movie she is sort of obsessed with the ex-boyfriend who moved on. So a friend introduced her to a blind date, a white guy who is the complete opposites of her. Both of them, after realizing they had nothing in common decided to do a night of honesty. The date ended with them going back to his place, where they did everything but have sex.

Jessica James: What?

Boone: I really like you.

Jessica James: Of course you do.

Jessica James: Everyone does

Jessica James: I’m freaking dope.

Along the way, you went through her daily life of what she did. I absolutely loved that she was not afraid to speak whatever was on her mind, no matter what the situation. Her passion for writing transferred to her passion for teaching. She really pushed and put her all into teaching those kids to reach their full potential.

For example there was a writers retreat which was really important to her because a famous play writer was going to be there. She took the time to introduce herself and ask a real question about how to get in the business. She was shocked to find that play writers don’t make that much, that as she was, she was living the dream.

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This movie to me screamed motivation, persistence and learning to follow the dream no matter what. She was clear with what she wanted in life and regardless of what anyone said she continued to pursue her dreams. Her family was a little unsure of what she was doing, but that was because she didn’t share her dream with everyone. She got her degree, moved to New York and did what she had to do, and all with a cork board full of rejection letters.

That was until she got her first acceptance letter! They wanted her work and her to come to London and read one of her pieces. The guy who was her blind date ended up being a really nice guy, they never really established a relationship but he helped her, her best friend and a student get to London. He ended up being a good friend and she was on her way.

I have to say I was a little disappointed at the end that it was over, but I again motivated to finish doing what I was meant to do. Jessica didn’t settle and change her writing to what others were doing. She never watered herself down to be what others wanted to her to be. She wrote for herself and believed in what she wrote. She motivated me to write, help others and tell my story. So here I am.. Thanks Jessica Williams… I am truly a new fan!

Your Truth – Live In It – Cookie Does

Don’t be what they want you to be…

I am so behind on so many shows that Hulu has become my best friend. So as I am binge watching Empire, I see something that brings attention to something. I am always speaking on being you and living in your truth yet I am scared to truly be me.

There is one thing about Cookie Lyons character that I love, she is true to herself, she doesn’t care what anyone thinks about her. She knows her stuff and she is not ashamed to tell someone when their shit is stank.

For example I was watching the episode where Cookie was on a date with the guy that was running for major. Her assistant told her the place was like a nightclub, but it was indeed an opera house. Cookie was killing it though in a short red dress, despite all the side eyes from the other women in full gowns.

As women sometimes do, which I don’t understand, they tried to make her look bad in front of her date asking her questions that they thought she wouldn’t understand, but he stood his ground and stood up for her. Here was the part that I was screaming for joy on – Cookie was in the stall and the two women from earlier were talking about how she was ghetto and out of place. She came out that stall and was herself as she checked them. Let them know she may be a little ghetto but she was about her money and wasn’t kissing they fake bougie asses.

Screenshot 2017-07-26 12.34.37I bring that up because so many of us are miserable because we are putting up a false face everyday. We strive so hard to please people who could care less about us, why? Why try to conform to a box of what society tells you is acceptable? From your weight, your hairstyles, the latest fashions, whats beautiful, and your sexual orientation.

Be who you are and be true to yourself. No matter what you do in life someone is going to talk about you. Nine times out of ten if they are talking about you its because they are jealous that you are being happy while they are still putting on a mask every morning. Those who truly love you, will love you no matter what. There should be no conditions on friendship or relationships. Love doesn’t come with that.

So be free! Be happy! Love yourself…. and most importantly, be true to yourself.

Suicide – Dont ignore it, it won’t go away

RIL Chester Bennington – Linkin Park lead singer was found dead this morning of an apparent suicide.

Suicide is a topic that many still don’t want to talk about. People who speak up about feeling this way are hushed and told to “pray about it” or pushed away as if they are only asking for attention. YES THEY WANT ATTENTION!!! Why is that so bad? They want attention because they need someone to explain to them that life will get better, that their life is worth living.

By ignoring this issue, the numbers are climbing by children at younger ages. Why is this? Why is suicide talked so bad about and ignored? It causes those who need the help for it to suffer alone.

As someone who has had suicide attempts and ideations, its hard when you feel like you are losing your fight and all someone says is ‘suicide is selfish’, ‘think of who else you’d be hurting’, how do you know that they are not the ones hurting them? Many times if someone is talking about suicide all they think about is how life would be better for people in their lives.

You can’t overlook symptoms because you don’t want someone to be mad at you. I was mad at my best friends when I was 14 because I wanted to die. I called to say goodbye and they called my mother. Although I was mad at them then, I thank them as much as I can. I wouldn’t be here without them, and thats how a friendship should be.

Now on the other end if you ever feel like you should end it, talk to someone. If you have no one to talk to call or text the suicide hotline. I usually do my writing, or watch a happy movie or listen to music with an upbeat. Know that no matter what you have done in life, you can change and life can and will get better. Being happy sometimes takes accepting your life and taking responsibility for your life and what happens to you.

We cannot get through life alone. If you see someone who shows the signs talk to them or get them help. Don’t ignore the signs.

***If you or anyone you know are going through something and you feel like you are losing hope please get help. You can call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255 its 24/7 or if you don’t feel like talking you can text the crisis hotline. Just text the word CONNECT to 741741. There are ways you can get help… If you need more information you can always email me at tiffanymarnold14@gmail.com. **** 

To The Bone – A Netflix Original

Its Review Time!!!!

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So I was having quite a moment last night, my anxiety was on an all time high and I was a wreck. I am so used to binge watching Pretty Little Liars (don’t ask.. I am trying to see where its going) and Criminal Minds from the beginning. I am also watching Underground and a few other shows that definitely don’t help with anxiety or making me feel motivated.

So I googled movies to watch on Netflix and came up with the most outdated lists of movies that were probably mediocre at best. So I started looking through the new releases. Don’t judge me but when my anxiety gets high, I usually watch Tinker Bell or one of the many sequels.

But the title caught my eye and the look of desperation on the girls face looking out the passenger window. Here was a girl that was feeling what I was feeling. The description says its about a 20-year old girl suffering with anorexia and goes on a journey of self discovery.

In this movie, although I am quite on the other spectrum, I eat when I am down… although, there are not many things I can eat now, but thats another story for another day. This movie talks about living when you have all but given up. There are so many factors I got from this. But the biggest thing is “WE ARE NOT DEAD!” We have the option to live our lives how we want. To make decisions to do better than the day before and live!

I know many won’t get this movie, but if you have anxiety, depression or any kind of mental health or medical issue this movie will lift your spirits. In this movie I found my spirit to get up and do what I set out to do. To not feel down about any situations I am going through, but to live my life for me!

***If you or anyone you know are going through something and you feel like you are losing hope please get help. You can call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255 its 24/7 or if you don’t feel like talking you can text the crisis hotline. Just text the word CONNECT to 741741. There are ways you can get help… If you need more information you can always email me at tiffanymarnold14@gmail.com. **** 

Change You First – then the World

You say you’re ready for a revolution, but are you sure?

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You say you want a revolution, but are you sure? You say you are tired of people being oppressed and want changes and call everyone in the neighborhood out for not standing up but are you?

See sometimes we need to stand up and be the change we want to see. We say we want them to stop killing our brothers and want the police to be held accountable for killing our people, but yet when little Ray Ray gets locked up for killing three people – you post “Free My Mans!” You don’t step up and stop those young men who are out acting disgraceful and disrespectful and you are guilty yourself of locking your doors when you see three black men in hoodies. IMG_7064

We yell that women should get equal pay and there should be no gender stereotypes and double standards for women, yet you talked down about Amber Rose’s Slut Walk marketing, or talk bad about Black Chyna for doing what men have been doing for years. Don’t remember, look up Mary J Blige. I’ll wait.

You say you don’t tolerate racism but you a black person, the “most” oppressed person on this planet hate white people, nor do you stand for others that are oppressed because who has heard of the Puerto Rico movement for Independence, or fight for the Veterans who are homeless and starving. How often do you stop to feed someone you see hungry on the side of the road or give up some of your savings to help a cause.

We are so quick to talk about someone else’s agenda and don’t look within ourselves. Justice starts within you. You have to start being that person that you want the world to be. How can you complain about others mistreating you if you are still mistreating others?

I originally started writing an article about the different movements, but I feel like any good movement starts within. We are responsible for ourselves and how we treat others. You can fight for equality if you have some prejudices in you. You have to fight the fight as well.

Screenshot 2017-07-06 17.03.41I hate to say it but it seems as if this day today is mostly about complaining and no action. We see a peaceful movement that Colin Kaepernick started and many were talking so bad about how he was doing it but not why. If you stand for something, you should stand for it no matter where you are. If you are a cop and you see that one of your “CO-WORKERS” (let me stress that word) is acting ugly and using his power for granted, its up to you to stop him and call him out.

I have seen some of the bravest souls make a stand during football and they are talked down because they are told the field is sacred. Remember Beyonce’s Formation ‘Half-Time Show’? Why? You should stand up in front of people and not just behind a computer screen.

Its time to stand up, but we have to stand up first to ourselves. We can’t fix the world if we refuse ourselves to be fixed.