Category Archives: forcing relationships

Ask Me Anything

A girl straight out of high school, who doesn’t know what she wants to do in life, takes a year to be her, to figure life out. Sounds like a normal story that would be absolutely boring and bland, yet here I sit staring at a tv screen eyes full of tears.

Screenshot 2018-04-13 02.09.04This is not how something is supposed to end. I have so many questions. I watched the show initially because I kept seeing it come up on my suggested videos, and Britt Robertson who plays on For The People and Girl Boss is the main character. I’m a fan and now, an even bigger one.

Britt makes you fall in love for Katie’s character. She makes you feel sorry for her and connect with her. You can see yourself as her. 28 years ago I was her, except I didn’t take a year, I went to college and screwed it up. But its not the story that has me in tears.

Screenshot 2018-04-13 02.02.55Katie during the movie has several jobs, an overbearing mother with a boyfriend who is super nosey. She has a father who is an alcoholic and she is a cheater. Unbeknownst to her parents she is having sex and lot of it, and on top of that she has a blog where she tells every detail but changes names and details. She ends up with an amazing following, 14,000 visits and messages from people who have no idea who she is.

I didn’t judge her, no part of her life did I judge because at one point in my life, I was her. Partying and sleeping with people with no commitment, or false promises of one. I also dated a man who I later found out was married. So I didn’t judge her, I felt like I was her. In my previous life, I was Katie.

Screenshot 2018-04-13 02.09.25She had no real friends, no one who really had her back. Her birthday came around and no one was there for her to celebrate with. Her therapist was clearly not listening to her, this girl had a problem with sex. A problem with sex that stemmed from the abuse she endured as a child. But the therapist, that she only saw twice, said she wasn’t clinically depressed. Let me just say as someone who sees a therapist regularly, I wanted to slap her.

But its the surprise ending. I write surprise endings, I make you think outside the box and this – this is the emotion I want from people when they read my novels, when they see my movies.

Screenshot 2018-04-13 02.16.00I sit here, afraid to go to sleep because what kind of dream do you have after a movie like that, after the blog I wrote, after the list of things I have heard today? I am stuck. Stuck in that I need to go to bed because its 2 am and stuck between I need to watch something else to clear my mind.

See I originally chose the movie because I thought I could write while the movie was playing or I would get tired and fall asleep, but I watched every moment. My keyboard was still clicking, but nothing creative. It was all matter of fact, all – I am lost.

I won’t ruin the movie for you but watch it. The director Allison Burnett did an amazing job and I believe I feel exactly how they projected.

This trailer does nothing for the movie, its much darker, and not as shallow as this shows.

You’re Miserable Because of YOU!

You know that one friend that always talks negative, always has a lot going on and you know when you answer that phone that its going to be another sad story… 

If you don’t, then honey you are that friend and you definitely need to keep reading. Screenshot 2017-09-14 22.28.03

See I have this friend that always is in a bad relationship, I keep telling her that if you don’t learn from a situation you are doomed to repeat it, but honey I don’t want to keep hearing you complain about them. But what do you do? How do you tell someone to stop with the dramatics.

I have started working on my karmic energy and charging and cleansing my chakras but that ole mean ass heffa, the one that is blunt and no nonsense comes out every so often to drop some knowledge on some pitiful soul.

GIRL YOU ARE YOUR OWN MISERY!!!

If every situation is the same, you keep meeting and dating the same people, everyone is making you mad then its time to stop pointing fingers and start looking at yourself. Everyone in the world is not off, it could be your ass. Sit down, stay single learn yourself and then get back out there.

Sometimes we rush to find the one that we mistake a “right now” for a “lifetime”. Uh uh, I have learn from that mistake and have happily been single for a good minute and I am learning a lot because of it.

Screenshot 2017-09-14 22.30.00

Stop being that friend, if its you and if its not put that ass on do not disturb and relax.

-If no one has told you they love you today, know that I do! 

Fences – a poor example of Black Families

Family

Fences was not as good as I thought it would be! Wait, hold up, let me give Denzel and Viola their props, they played the hell out of their roles and deserved every award they earned. So let me explain what I mean by that.

See every movie about black families and marriages always include some kind of games, unfaithfulness, abuse and/or alcohol. How do we expect black families to be successful if all we see is black families falling apart? What happened to the Huxtables? The Martin and Ginas? The Winslows? The Evans?

“Some people build fences to keep people out, and other people build fences to keep people in…”

All Rose (Viola) wanted was for Troy (Denzel) to build a fence. A fence that visually in her mind made her feel would keep her family together. What she had was a husband, who paid the bills, but cheated on her; a son who wanted to protect her but was forced to respect and fear a father who showed him no affection; and a daughter born from the dead mistress of her husband.

When Troy said he was unhappy with Rose and how he felt after eighteen years he was still sitting in the same spot, she spoke up about standing there with him. This woman abandoned her dreams and goals to be everything this man needed her to be. She cooked every time someone walked in the door, kept a house clean and prayed over her household.

loveismagic
Black love = magic

In the era of Black Girl Magic I feel that although this was a good movie, it should be accompanied with other movies that show black girls to follow their dream.

Do you know that in the last 100 days, under the new administration hate groups have gone up? Not just against blacks, but against every non-white Christian group. A lot of the progress that the Obamas made are swept under the rug as if they never existed.

So I say again, Fences wasn’t as good as I thought it was, because to me it was sad. There are so many other ways to make relationships last, there are so much more to the black family and we should never have to give up our dreams or who we are to be with anyone. If anything, your kids suffer because they feel like life is all about settling.

You Can’t Force Love… Don’t Settle Just Because its There.

So today I read in a group I’m in about a girl who is in a relationship with this guy who wants to make her settle down, but she’s not ready. What’s crazy is a lot of the women were commenting that she was stupid for not settling down with him. I think it crazy that these women think that she should because he’s a good guy. My question is how do they know? Because he is ready to get married? Because he wants to do what many men in this generation do not want to do?

I disagree!!! What this man is doing is trying to change and force her. You cannot force someone to be with you. I think I need to say that again. YOU CANNOT FORCE SOMEONE TO BE WITH YOU!!! In the end if that person will regret you and everything that comes with your relationship. What happens if you all have children? That person you forced to be with you will regret the children. There are too many loveless homes that many children are growing up in, why add another one?

It almost like many women are programmed to think that marriage and children are the only thing that we should aspire to have. Why? What are we in 1950? That was all women back in the day could aspire to have, unless they were a teacher, beautician or maid. Nowadays we can be anything that we want to be – lawyers, doctors, CEOs and any thing else we can imagine. Why settle for being just someones wife and mother.

Now I am not saying that there is anything wrong with being a housewife, but ONLY if thats what you WANT to do. You have to live your life for you and not want anyone else wants you to be. If you live your life to make others around you happy, you will NEVER and I repeat NEVER be happy.

I know of an elder lady who lived her whole life for what her family said she should do. She grew up, got married and had children. She lived her entire life making her husband and children happy. When all the children grew up and left home and her husband left her for a younger woman, she realized she had nothing. The worse part of it was she never wanted any of it. She was always attracted to women, but she knew that if she ever came out her family would disown her. There she was a senior citizen looking over her life and she was miserable. She never had a job so she had no skills and no degree. She had to start all over.

Why do that to yourself? Why not live everyday doing things that please you. If something doesn’t make you happy, change it. Whether it’s a job, relationship or living situation. Think about what steps you need to take to be happy and work towards that. You are never to late to start. That lady was well into her 50s and she opened up a restaurant, found her a girlfriend and to this day she is very happy. Everyone in her family and some old friends is not happy with her new life, a few have even cut her off, but she is happy. She wakes up with a smile on her face and goes to bed the same way.

What will make you happy? Why are you not going after it? Don’t ever settle for anything that is not the best for you no matter who says you are stupid for not settling. ~ Love Tichelle