Relationships are hard, at least everyone I have had so far are. Communication is essential to keeping it alive and thriving, but what happens when you are both at a stand still and no one seems to be talking to anyone? Many people at this point run, they end the relationship and cut ties with the person only to feel guilty later because they really cared for that person. Try these steps:

1. Talk when you are ALONE about serious topics: Do not wait for an audience. Many people hold on to emotions and then decided that a room full of people is the best way to get a reaction out of the one they love. That is not right, or fair. When you do this you invite other people to give opinions on your relationship, which always causes conflict. Think about how many friends would love to here bad things about your relationship problems than to see you all actually work it out. What about that lurker in your group of friends that is just waiting for you all to break up? You are giving them the perfect opportunity.

2. Speak calm:When you yell or scream the other person is not listening to you. They are starting to feel like they are becoming attacked and will become defensive. Then your conversation will be lost. It doesn’t matter if you are saying have a nice day, if your tone doesn’t mean it then they will not hear it. Take deep breaths if you feel you are becoming irritated or upset and approach the conversation from a different way.

3. Pick your battles: If something is really not important to you, then don’t fight about it. Matter of fact, do you really even need to bring it up. Decide if it’s something that you can let go of. Don’t think you can let it go and then a few margaritas later you are bringing it up. Which leads me to:

4. Stay on topic: You can not get your point across about one topic if you are all over the place with another topic. Don’t bring up something that happened last week or two years ago. Talk about what is bothering you right then and there.

5. Refrain from physical violence: If you feel your temper is rising and you are getting to the point where you want to hit something or throw something, walk away. Evaluate if this person is even for you since you feel you have to get physical. Maybe you all need a break from each other permanently or maybe you need to invest in some anger management. There is never a reason to hit anyone.

6. If they walk away let them: They may need to cool off because of their temper. Don’t walk behind them pressing buttons or yell louder. Take the time yourself to get your thoughts together and calm the situation down.

Don’t wait until you are fuming mad to try and talk to your significant other. Talk to them about everything whether good or bad. The only way you will get to truly know each other is by opening up your life and letting this person in. Good luck!