Life has given me plenty of ups and downs. Plenty of moments when I have been the victim. I have been hurt so many times, it’s like I expect it. My Mom says I always give second chances. No matter how much someone could drive me through the dirt or hurt me I always let them come back. Why? Because I believe people change. I know that I am not the same person I was two years ago or even two days ago. I am always evaluating who I am as a person and growing. I wouldn’t want someone to judge me or base their entire opinion on me based on mistakes I’ve made in the past. So why would I do that to someone else?
The problem is I forgive and forget. You should never forgive and forget. You can forgive but forgetting gives them a chance to repeat the same routine they did before. Maybe that person did in fact change but out of habit, getting back around you things begin to feel familiar. For example, a drug addict can’t go through rehab and then go back to the same things they were doing before they got clean. Familiar scenery are grounds for relapse.
That’s the same with behavior. Knowing this makes so much sense to all my relationship issues (friends and family included). I need to learn to let go. As the late great Maya Angelou used to say “when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time”.
Frankly I’m tired of being hurt, and it’s time for me to take a stand. Along with all of you. Sometimes we have to take responsibility for getting hurt. It’s not always the people around us that we can point the finger to. We have to look inside us and inside our behaviors and patterns. Why do we continue to LET people hurt us?
So put your foot down, be strong and realize that life is too short to waste time being miserable, being scared, being depressed and not happy. Take the time you need between relationships and heal. Putting a bandaid on top of a wound and keep moving doesn’t always work. The bandaid will eventually fall off and show your scars. But if you let them heal internally, you can remove that bandaid, proudly own the left over marks and move on with peace.
~Love Tichelle 💋