Have you ever looked at your S.O. (significant other) like ‘who the hell you talking to’ while they were on the phone? Or texting? What about when they are on their social media accounts? Well I have, don’t judge me. Why do we do that? Because nine times out of ten our level of trust is nothing. It took me several years to realize that I don’t trust anyone because I have been hurt. I don’t just mean hurt like I got cheated on hurt, which I have, but I have been deeply hurt. My ability to trust has been literally ripped apart and thrown out the window. So what do you do in these situations? Do you hack their accounts and check on what they are doing? NO!!!! What about go through their phone and read old text messages? Again, NO!!! Here’s what I do that keeps me from losing my mind or end up chasing someone away.
1. ASK QUESTIONS
If something is bothering you ask about it. Don’t be afraid to say, “Hey babe, who are you on the phone with?” or “Baby what are you doing?” Try to refrain from attacking or pointing fingers at them. This will cause them to get defensive and then you have an argument that steamed from nothing. Tsk tsk tsk… No judgment here, I have done that. Ok… moving on…
2. DON’T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS
Don’t automatically assume that because they are always on their phone or on social media that they are doing something disrespectful. I know for me Facebook is the only way I get to keep in touch with old friends. I’m not really a talk on the phone type person so I can easily make sure someone’s ok by simply logging in. Once again ask… Or secretly go to their page to make sure they are not up to something. Ok… bad joke… don’t really do that!!!
Have you and your S.O. talked about boundaries and what makes you uncomfortable? How will he/she know that something makes you uncomfortable if you never discussed it? I realized that I never told my S.O. that them having conversations with an ex was uncomfortable for me. Sure we both had several friends that were exes, but this one particular chick makes my skin crawl. I don’t trust her, which in turn made me not trust my S.O. but I couldn’t get mad when I didn’t say that ahead of time. Although I still did because of the conversation, but that’s neither here nor there. (Totally different topic.) Anyways communication is very important in a lasting relationship. Express your feelings trust me that will work.
4. MAKE SURE ITS NOT YOUR GUILT
Look at yourself, what are you doing? If you are inboxing someone inappropriately then that may be the reason that you think your S.O. is doing the same. Clear you conscience and either stop doing it or re-evaluate your relationship. What are the reasons that you are being so sneaky? Don’t jump down their throat because you are wrong. (Kind of in my feelings it seems, because I have had that done to me several time… ok let me calm down.)
Now by all means you really don’t have to do a thing because all things will eventually come to the light. Think about why you don’t trust them, have they done something in the past? Cheated on you? Lied? If they have and you said you forgave them have you? You can’t forgive them and you are still holding on to the past. It makes you full of resentment and in the end turns you bitter. Lord knows we don’t need any more bitterness in the world. I know a few that get on my nerves with it. Ugh!!!
Seriously though, if after all of this you still feel like there is something going on then it could be your intuition. If he/she is creeping, then make you decision to either drop their ass or try to work it out. No one can tell you where to go from that point, but stressing over what they are doing stops you from being able to live your life.